Week 4 in the NFL. The season is starting to take shape. It’s becoming clearer who the good teams and who the God-awful teams are.
Therefore, this week I will be giving out some early-season awards.
So without further delay …
And the Emmy/Oscar/Espy goes to …
Category: “How do they keep pulling a win out of their ass?”
Winner: The Philadelphia Eagles.
The Eagles are 3-0. Yes, that’s right, the Eagles. The team that keeps pulling wins out of their asses when they spend the first half still hanging out in the locker room.
The Eagles score on average 24.7 points per game in the second half. Even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn’t figure out what happens to the Eagles in the first half.
Category: “Are we really going to have a quarterback controversy?”
Winner: Joe Philbin and Ryan Tannehill of the Miami Dolphins.
This begs the question, who might win this award by the end of the season?
With Kirk Cousins (go MSU!) doing a pretty good job in Washington, if delicate flower Robert Griffin III comes back, there might need to be some discussion. You never know when Mr. Subway might walk onto the field and stub a toe.
Another contender to win this by the end of season is Geno Smith. I know Rex Ryan stood by his QB in the media this week, but come on, he made some mighty bad decisions in week 3 against the Bears. He even managed to lose to the Pack when the Jets were dominating Green Bay the first quarter and well into the second.
Category: “It’s not you, it’s me”
Winner: Tampa Bay Buccanners breaking up with Josh McCown.
Josh McCown was hailed as a hero last year for keeping the Chicago Bears in contention while Baby Cutlet was out with hurt feelings. He had the support of Marc Trestman, Brandon Marshal, and Matt Forte. That is most definitely not the case in Tampa.
That was a horrifying loss for Lovie Smith’s team. I won’t repeat the scar, I mean score. It’s too depressing.
The kinda silver lining for Josh is that he hurt his thumb and will be out for a couple of weeks, so perhaps this will help him save face.
Category: “Invitation lost in the mail”
Winner: Eddie Lacy.
Someone forgot to tell Eddie Lacy that the season has started. I’d like to think his invitation got lost in the mail. Well, Eddie Lacy, Mr. 2013 offensive rookie of the year, I am f’ing officially inviting you to your sophomore year in the NFL. Time to show up.
Category: “Little Miss Sunshine award”
Winner: Drew Stanton (go MSU!), and well, really, the Arizona Cardinals
The feel-good story of the year. Wait, it sounds a lot like the Josh McCown story from 2013 all wrapped up in a big NFC West bow.
With a backup replacing a start, you always hope you can squeak a win through, and most of the time, just hope that your team doesn’t get embarrassed. It’s always astonishing when a backup quarterback comes into a game to replace a hurt starter and then does an amazing job.
It’s also very impressive when the backup does that against the 49ers.
Category: “What’s up with that?”
Winner: MSU quarterbacks.
This category was just developed on the spot, people, on the spot. So two backup QB’s, one on the Washington Redskins, and the other on the Arizona Cardinals, are MSU alums and are doing a great job? I like it. Blatant Alma mater plug.
Category: “Stop with the dashes.”
Winner: Aaron Rodgers.
Do not promote dashes to get a point across, because you are going to get what you deserve. It’s all over the news about R-E-L-A-X. I know what can go between those dashes instead of spelling out relax. You want the fans to R-E-L-A-X? Well, here’s what Packers fans think can go between the dashes…
Category: “Most Likely To Explode.”
Winner: The entire 49ers team.
This makes sense that the 49ers would win this award. I mean, Jim Harbaugh has won “Coach most likely to spit on himself during a game” several years in a row now.
Kaepernick fined for vulgar language. 4 interceptions. 1-2 record behind the Hawks and Cardinals. Tsk tsk, now. Character is shown Kaepernick when you have to lead a team that isn’t performing as great as you would like. You were handed an excellent team a few years back on a silver platter. What will you do now Colin? Will you lead your team? Will the locker room turn on you? I think yes.
That concludes the early-season awards. I look forward to seeing what categories will pop-up as the season goes on. As for games that I will be watching, there are a few.
My eye will be on the Thursday night game. Washington against the Giants. Division rivals. It’s a game of who will be more mediocre this year. That’s always a fun fight to watch.
Bears versus Packers because I have to. Do I want to. No. Am I a bad, spoiled fan? I think not. I hate to lose, yes, but I hate to lose when there were things we could have fixed in the off-season that we didn’t. I hate to lose when we play sub-par. I hate to lose when we finally get rid of Jermichael Finley and we are somehow worse off for it because we didn’t have the foresight to get anyone close to filling the position. Not HIS position, but just somebody. Although, I shouldn’t complain, as Quarless may have been the only person on the offense besides Jordy Nelson /Rodgers who did anything of merit.
Lastly, I’ll be watching Eagles and the Niners. I want to know how the Eagles are gonna pull the win out this week. I want to see if Harbaugh has a stroke. I want to see one of the players on offense take a swing at Kaepernick for being a little brat.
Man, I love football.
Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Francisco. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at Amazon.com, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook at madelinefresco.com. Her second book THE CHOICE, is available on Kindle at Amazon. Her third book ANGUISH, is available for Kindle at Amazon.com