Tag Archive | Depressed


So, just to update everyone, things with the back have actually gotten worse. That incident with the physical therapist 8 weeks ago? Well she actually caused an annular tear in my L5-S1 disc. That will take 6 months to a year to heal, if ever. It’s very discouraging. I can’t tell you how hard it was to sit in that office and hear 6 to 12 months when he usually says, no matter my pain level, “4-6 weeks,” or “6-8 weeks.” I nearly fell out of my chair when he said that.
However, I did speak with my primary and he said that, while yes, an annular tear doesn’t ever really “heal” they do stop hurting. And while my sports medicine doctor said 6-12 months, that was “healing” time, not the amount of time I would be in pain or out of commission. So that was encouraging.

Ughh, I wish I knew other people who had been through this and gotten better so I would have some encouragement. Now, all I am is just sad.

36 days

Supposedly, my back is expected to be better in 36 days. I’m begging and pleading with my body to make that happen. I’m terrified that it will always be hurting. I have already spent 12 weeks with back pain and I’m ready for it to be done. Ready for the bouts of crying to be done. Ready to move on with my life.
So, for the next 36 days, every day I’m going to go somewhere new to walk. To take my mind off of my back if only for 30 minutes. At the end of this 36 day period, I am supposed to be so well that I can return to work. Okay. Great, I’m ready to start making that happen.

Hard to move on

Hey there,

Sorry no blog posts. It’s been a trying few weeks since the passing of Emma. I can’t believe it’s already been three weeks. It’s been really difficult to get back in the swing of things. I’ve never been depressed before, so it’s a new experience for me. The utter lack of desire to do anything, the constant crying. I didn’t know you could actually feel sick from being depressed.

Well, if anyone has any advice on how to deal with being depressed, I’d love to hear it.

It has also been hard because I tore my back carrying her, and it has been hurting for six weeks. If anyone has any experience on hurting their back without it involving herniating a disc, I would love to hear about that too. For example, how long DOES it take to heal???